The Value of Valentines Day
I’m sure there’s some story on how Hallmark has made “Valentines Day” into the bustling bonanza that it is. However, like a lot of Americanized pop-culture holidays (i.e. Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving)…at the root of it all is Jesus and he or some of his people did something worth note to be remembered, celebrated and focused on for a day each year.
Valentines day was started and named after a 3rd century pastor, Valentio who Pastored a church in Interama of Rome (modern Terni, Italiy). Like most history that’s over 1700 years old, details are sketchy and questionable. Yet, the basic story is that the Roman Emperor at the time, Claudius II, didn’t approve of Valentio marrying Christian couples. After being imprisoned for it, the Emperor questioned him and Pastor Valentio shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with him. Instead of converting, the Emperor decided to have him beheaded.
Pastor Valentine believed deeply in the gospel and its call for Jesus centered marriages as described in Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Thus, essentially “Valentines Day” is about the opportunity for husbands to express this kind of love for their wives.
Husbands and aspiring husbands tend to one of these two errors ever since the fall of the first husband in the Garden of Eden: they either ABDICATE or ABUSE their God given role and responsibility to sacrificially love and serve their wives as Jesus did for his bride, the church.
When dudes abdicate, they don’t take initiative and instead passively sit on the sidelines just expecting things to happen without much effort on their part. They lazily wait for their woman to just come to them and inform them of what their needs and desires are and assume if that doesn’t happen then they’re off the hook. If anything is going to happen somebody has got to do something and when guys do this they essentially opt out and make their wife the leader by default. When it comes to sex, it doesn’t happen unless his wife initiates and he never does anything to woo her.
When dudes abuse, they are overbearing and act like a ruler giving out orders and get mad if anything is not done just right or the way they want it. Whether it’s physical, verbal, or neglectful abuse, guys do this when they see their woman as someone who merely exists to meet their needs as some sort of at your service slave. Nothing happens unless this guy declares it will happen because he lords his leadership over his home rather than leading as a servant who supports his home. When it comes to sex, he sees it as his right and gets angry when his wife doesn’t pleasure him when he wants.
Dudes need to avoid both of these tendencies. Jesus enables a man to do that. He calls husbands the leaders but says they are to lead like him, who in love, sacrificed himself for his bride the church. Rather than abdicate, the dude initiates. Rather than abuse, the dude serves.
Here’s some helpful advice from C.J. Mahaney in his book to husbands, “Sex, Romance and the Glory of God.” Initiate: Touch her mind and her heart before you touch her body…care for her spiritually. Serve: Study your wife and find out what she likes, needs and desires…ask her a lot of questions.
Dale Burke, author of “A Love That Never Fails” compares marriage to a garden as in Proverbs 24:30-34 and calls men to tend it well. He says it “needs to watched and maintained as a prized possession if it is to be propsperous and fruitful.” (Read his article,
So husbands take “Valentines Day” and use it as an opportunity to be the kind of man the gospel calls you to. Read Ephesians 5:25-33 for some good Valentines pointers: sacrifice for her, discuss the her growth in the gospel through the Bible (“washing her with Word”), care about her needs and desires before your own, and be one flesh with her.
Last thing, don’t be dumb. TAKE YOUR WIFE ON A DATE FOR VALENTINES! Yes, she wants you to. And so does Jesus.
If you’re a wife, maybe just gently suggest your husband read this. If you’re a dude, who’s not married then get ready, this is the kind of man you need to work on being.
- Pastor Duane
________________________________________________
Here’s some helpful resources:
Online Sermons & Articles
Good Books
